So this lifelong process, to me, is sad. I've been thinking about this topic in general nonstop, how I've been making YouTube videos, thinking about what I could possibly film, thinking about what may potentially come across me later on in the next few weeks, and then... I stopped to think about what made me come onto this path in the first place, because a friend and I were talking about this subject on Instagram.
Keep in mind this was in the early 2000s, when this was just the tip of the iceberg. I was just going through life as a elementary, almost middle school student, and when I knew it, I was just begging and begging to be included with my peers. During lunch, no one wanted to play with me, no one wanted me to play with them. If I was included, I'd always be the last one chosen, and IF I wasn't chosen or the boys team was filled up, I'd be forced to play on the girl's team. I can't make this shit up, it was real. For one trip to our capital, I pushed the request to room with both of the most popular boys in our grade because it was three students to a room and one of them even said to me, at the end, because he didn't want me in the room with them, 'you got what you want. are you happy now?!?' I still remember my reaction being ...what the fuck did I do wrong..? I'm just trying to fit in. Trust me, it was hell. I don't remember any more specifics and I don't need to because the rest of the middle school grades 6th, 7th, and 8th, were essentially the same.
High school, don't even mention it. It was middle school but magnified tenfold. The physical started coming into play and I was literally, pushed around, numerous times. So yes, I was literally, the outsider. My main point is this. I know how bad the reality is getting. I'm on tik tok. I see those featured videos on the for you page. At least 95% of teenagers out there are afraid of being who they are because they're afraid of being judged. Well, this is what I want to tell you and it's from the bottom of my fucking heart:
Just be you because nowadays, There. Is. No. Gray. Area. People either like you or hate you, but JUST TO BE SURE, know that no one has your back. Especially in school. They would rather film you getting mentally or physically damaged and care more about the footage getting internet fame than help you back up. You know this yourself yet won't admit it. Discover and discipline yourself because you would much rather do your own thing and maybe someone will even join you because that is genuinely rare nowadays. On the flip side, IF it happens, it will be worse in high school. If you're a high schooler, fucking speak up because MORE THAN LIKELY, someone is going through the exact same shit as you are, but they just don't have the will to act on it or bring it up and that's ok, because you're going to be the one to do it. Take initiative, like what I'm doing. Be the fire. Be the walker. Discover your identity and don't let someone's judgement get in your way. Fucking live your life.
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