Passion really does drive you, step by step

So I'm winding down for the night. I'm seated at my desk consuming more Gary V material with my bottled water right beside my laptop (yes the California heat is no joke). For those of you in California, if when you're reading this and it is still summer, I have never drank so much water compared to the past three or so days. It's scary LOL. Anyways, I'm watching Gary's video about not using these platforms forever (I'm thinking he's talking about Instagram, Tik Tok, and other not-as-professional platforms, and there's one thing that stuck out to me. He was asked to provide advice and suggestions to small business owners and he said they must provide value. So that got me thinking, if I had to, what could I possibly blog about tonight? And then I thought of it.

This goes back to my thesis that passion really does drive you and push you past your comfort zone regardless what internal issues you may have. I did actually have a flatline towards late afternoon but that's due to having an amazing morning and attending a festival which drained most of my energy. But then I took a 20 minute nap before dinner and felt better for dinner. Anyways, I had been in contact with this dealership for a good few years now. I don't know all of the staff because some members of the staff are constantly switching around dealerships in this area but I know this car had been at this particular dealership for some time now and I just recently learned it was a factory display car. What I didn't know, was when I was going to get a chance to sit in it. You may be questioning why? What's so important about this car? Well, long story short, it's a 3 million dollar car you will never seen on the road. The answer is that simple.

Anyways, the person I had been keeping in contact with, the last time I went, he told me I would've gotten a chance to sit in this particular car but because they had to tow it to Monterey for car week, he let me sit in a Lamborghini instead. Which, was also amazing because I was able to feel the difference between this Lamborghini and the Ferrari I was able to race in Vegas. That day I sat in the Lamborghini, he told me this 3 million dollar car would be driven to the car show I am attending tomorrow. Fast forward a week, to two days ago (Friday), an idea suddenly popped into my head. My sibling has never seen this vehicle before, how cool would it be if we could meet up with them at the dealership and see this car being driven on the road? I proceeded to DM him on Instagram asking him if this was possible. Unfortunately, he told me the car was going to be trailered to the event (later finding out it's due to insurance) but if we had any time prior to the event to go see the car. We set up the time, it was to be this morning.

My sibling and I went to the dealership first thing in the morning, a half hour after they opened and I strolled around, looking at a few cars on the lot while I was looking for him. It took some time as I later found out he was on a test drive. He came back while my sibling and I were checking out a million dollar Aston Martin which was unheard of, as shown below.

I walked to him, we shook hands with each other, then his first question to me was 'ready to go look at the Chiron?'. I was like yes we definitely are LOL. He got the keys, we walked to the car and the next thing we knew... he opened the door. In my head, I was thinking you've gotta be fucking kidding me. I've been waiting for this opportunity ever since this car came out. Some insight, the Chiron is the successor of the Bugatti Veyron. I don't remember exactly when the Veyron came out but it was some time between 2006 and 2008. I waited a decade for this opportunity to happen...but, it was worth every second. To give some more insight, I've probably seen this specific Chiron maybe 3-4 times so it's been at this dealership for a while. But now, the door is fully open, just ready for me to sit inside? However, because of my recent mindset shift lately, I ask my sibling if they would like to get the chance first. They say nope, you first LOL so how could I say no right?

I sit inside and immediately my first thought was holy shit, I'm sitting in a fucking Bugatti LOL. I'm literally trying to absorb the feeling and every second being inside the car but I just couldn't. I mean, I'm sitting in a 3 million dollar car for crying out loud. How could I? So I do the typical thing, immediately take my phone out and start recording everything, which I will be attaching below. Then I noticed how low the seat was and I said out loud 'damn, I'd be afraid of driving this because I would damage the front.' I literally could only see halfway over the steering wheel. Plus with such a large hood, it was actually difficult. But come on, how could you complain about a 3 million dollar car right? You just can't.

I get out of the car, my sibling goes in, I take some photos for her because I know she would want it. At that time, there are two other families present, one is a dad with his two kids. His two kids proceed to climb into the car and I'm thinking damn kids, you don't know how lucky you are. Not everyone gets to do this. After a little while, my contact tells me they're pulling the car out to pull another car into the building, as there was another space right beside the Chiron. So we all stayed just to film the start up and seeing the car being driven out of the building. It was just insane.

My main point is, passion really will drive you to push outside of your comfort zone. You're there for a reason. I was there for a reason. He is there for a reason. He loves cars, he works at the dealership. I was able to talk to my contact about the car, what he thought about it, his experience with it, it's still considered as human interaction.  I'll even see him again tomorrow at the car event. I later on was able to replicate this same action at a food festival because I know already how it'll feel like, just it will be different because it won't be about cars but at the end of the day, it's still human interaction. You can ask about someone's day, you can ask what brought them to where you are, etc. So bit by bit, I am and will push myself until I can get past social anxiety but I strongly encourage you to do the same because I know this will work. I am using myself as my own experiment because I know I can do this, especially since I just made this connection. Everything else I know up to now, has been to deal with social anxiety head on and there will be pain however this method, I'm telling you you can deal with social anxiety in a positive way and still have it feel good. So please give it a shot, it might just take you by surprise.

possible cure for anxiety/depression? maybe

So, it's late. Almost midnight here on the west coast, I'm sleepy but this topic is keeping my brain running. I had the sudden idea to...look up social anxiety and anxiety hashtags on Instagram on the explore page. As what I had thought, there were a lot of posts in the context of what I was looking for. I looked through a good number of them. I didn't even think about depression because I have depression worse than anxiety but I know both can be helped in the same way. It's crazy to me, to think, the possible source for a way of improvement, breaking out of our shell, and 'fixing' our issues could be hidden within ourselves. This ties back to our passion for what we love doing in our own, individual, lives.

When you're passionate about something, you know how to approach the subject. You know how to talk about it. You know what questions to ask another person who's interested in the same topic as you. You know exactly when to take the next step in order to dive deeper. You feel absolutely amazing. You can talk hours on end with someone you don't even know, but you have one common interest. Might even become best friends, right? Who knows.

But then when it comes to a completely different field, your brain freezes up. You don't know how to communicate. You start sweating. Cold chills down your spin. Voice is shaky. Everything you want to ask and everything you want to say you instantly and automatically assume you're wrong. You're afraid of being judged. Yes, I completely understand, been there done that, plenty of times LOL. But, what if you could take that same attitude from your passion and transfer it to this new subject? Sure, you're clueless about it, some may laugh, but there are always people out there who are willing to give a helping hand. That would fortunately be your first anchor. They get to know you, you get to know them, and then next thing you know, a chain reaction happens. You start learning about the field. Difficult to interpret, but possible. You keep at it for days, weeks, maybe even months on end. It becomes a norm to you.

If you think about it, this is the exact same process you go through every single time you venture into something new. Well, at least for people who have social anxiety and perhaps, depression. You will know how to tap into every other, new field using the same steps because it's overall the same concept. Sure, the internet [nowadays] kind of complicates it a little bit because people will be expecting you to do a little bit of research before going in full send but are people really that mean? Some people aren't. As long as you have just one person willing to lend you a hand, you're pretty much set. You build on from there. Won't be an easy journey, but possible. The few times I've done this myself, it has worked. Otherwise, I wouldn't have the friends I'd have today. And if it is working, push yourself a little and have fun with it. Who knows where it could bring you. At the end of the day, just keep finding ways on improving this aspect of your life but in a way you feel comfortable, but be truthful to yourself and be yourself.

Use your passion/interests to network?

I was talking to my friend just now and we were talking about the people who we've met. They told me they like chatting with women who have interest in cars and even though it may not end up as anything, he just likes talking to them. And then that hit me. Let me ask you just one, question. Are you an introvert? If you are, I really do have a solution for you and this would be it. There is a way to break out of your introvert shell.

Take me for example. I live in a section of Northern California, won't mention city name because I don't want stalkers LOL. I barely go out, or at least I used to just stay around my small home town a lot. Didn't like going out at all, didn't like going out exploring. I run a public car group here in the bay area and that's the only time when I actually do go out and try to socialize. How do I socialize? That's where passion comes in. If you are passionate about something, you have the knowledge, you're just afraid to speak out, right? I know exactly how you feel. But then that depends on how mature your peers are and whether or not they judge you and how they judge you. Because of cars, I've been able to reach out and connect with people from all over the bay area and I'm very antisocial and very introverted.

One of my best friends at the moment, we didn't go to the same high school. We most likely wouldn't even have crossed paths with each other. He was one of the first 50 members to join my group and when I first met him, he was a giant. The guy's 6'1" if I remember correctly? At first, I didn't even know who he'd become. Little did I know, he'd become one of my best friends and I'm truly fortunate he's in my life. He's a genuine person.

This person, this is an interesting and funny story. She had been in my group for a good solid few months and joined with her other friends, but had stayed silent until I happened to travel to my home country for a few weeks. I still remember when we first started talking, I had posted I was back in my country and out of nowhere, she pops up. I'm like where did you come from? LOL. Turns out, we talked for a solid month before agreeing to meet up. Guess where? Up in the city, San Francisco. I swear I've never made so many trips to SF before in my life, before we started seeing each other. Things didn't go too well, we separated shortly, but up until we started seeing each other, the furthest I traveled to on a regular basis was maybe to the mall in Palo Alto, I'd say maybe a half hour south of the city?

My main point is, it is absolutely ok to be an introvert. However, everyone knows networking is key nowadays but do not feel pressured if your parents and friends are the one forcing you to network. Do it, but do it at your own pace. Communicate through your passion and interests. As you meet people with similar interests as you, have them help you expand. Why? Because they'll want the best for you. People with similar interests tend to watch out for each other because they become 'siblings', that's just basic human instinct. I did this plenty of times so I know it works. Feel free to reach out and share with me if you've done so before and let me know how you felt about it. If you haven't, will you try it now? Worth a shot right?

Why are people not documenting?

Why? Times change, society changes, the standard changes. Anyone out there with an iPhone or a camera with 720p recording capabilities can create. Everyone can be a creator. Fact is, society is just so used to creating now but with creation, comes the process. Think about the process. Let's say you're just starting, right? You have to invest hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars in video equipment. If you don't have a computer, you have to invest another hundred to a few thousand, depending on which brand you want. In total, you're bound to spend a few grand. That's not fun, now is it? And then what, you get the motivation because you're watching other YouTubers highlight reels and then make a few videos. You're not getting the views, you try for a few months, and then give up because you can't find the right demographic. Why's that?\

Something Gary Vaynerchuk brought up really struck me. A good majority of the people are creating content but they're just putting up a front. They're creating to create. Creating doesn't show the grind, it doesn't show the process, it doesn't show the behind-the-scenes. I know this all too well. That's the reason why I stopped doing YouTube vlogging a long time ago, just right before clickbait started. I wasn't generating the views even though my niche was automotive car culture, long before anyone started. This was back in 2011. Why? I was only showing the important aspects and highlights. I wasn't showing the behind the scenes because in my eyes, no one likes seeing the raw material. A lot of people want to be content creators because they see successful content creators having all the time they have in the world and even more importantly, it gives them the freedom.

Documenting, however, is a whole new ball game, and there's a reason why not many people are doing it. Documenting means filming and recording everything, from start to finish. The power Gary has through documenting is scary. He can be filming the whole day, an idea pops into his head, and he can just cut out a 30 second to two minute snippet from his whole day of filming and generate leads. That, is powerful.

People do not document because they don't want to show the world their flaws. They want everyone to see they are stable and for the most part, perfect. The ones who really have no time, that's understandable, to an extent. People who do not like their 9-5 jobs can document during their 1-2 hours worth of downtime before their dinner or sleep. Students can document before or after school. The most important aspect about YouTube life now, I believe, is more documentation than creation, than ever before. Anyone can create, but it takes guts and self confidence to show your true self and document your life. Especially nowadays when society is competitive against each other and every industry is competitive against each other, it's the documentation that really counts. Gary's right, people want to see the grind. Anyone can show the results, but few are willing to actually broadcast and show the process.

This is why I want to start documenting. I have nothing to lose. I've already put out my most vulnerable self out there on the internet. I got nothing to hide. From someone who has extreme social anxiety who gets sweaty palms, cold chills down my spine, to a shaky voice from just asking a simple question, I'd really like to show people it is possible to completely break out of that boundary and grow to be able to conversate with anyone.

What's stopping you from documenting?

We lack stimulation

No, I’m not talking about sex, get that out of your head.

I was just out getting some groceries, and on my drive back home, I was thinking about...what sparked my ideas and my thought process about what caused me to act on Saturday, and what made me write 'Be Yourself', my previous post and then it hit me; unaccounted variables. I had a really, really good talk with my long time best friend the other day telling her the only times when I felt 'alive' at all is when I'm out driving on the road and/or driving on cruises with my friends. Why? This dullness is a result of some aspects of my personal life which I'm not willing to get into but I had to figure out why I was feeling this way. I feel alive driving on the road because there are a lot of unaccounted variables that can happen and not only gives me an adrenaline rush, but also gives me something to look forward to.

Why is society so dull nowadays? Society pretty much became dull and on autopilot when the first iPhone came out. Can we blame technology though? Truthfully, we can and cannot. The iPhone was the first breakthrough in technology and cellphones. Humans are attracted to new things and are especially attracted to new things that make how we live more convenient and at ease. However, no one was ready for the biggest drawback of the phone; a constant need to check on what everybody else was doing, and not themselves. But this is where self control and responsibility comes in. The only exception, is when your job requires you to be on your phone. Other than that, our lives have been taken captive by our phones. Literally. Sure, it is a lot complicated now since a lot of money can be made through an iPhone, but we still have and need the basic instincts, right?

So, having had this conversation with my friend, this very reason is why I said ok fuck it, if I miss any photos because I'm having a fun time with my friend at this car event, I am completely fine with that. It's the possibility of constant stimulation and unaccounted variables I was looking forward to, in conjunction with my passion for cars? That's the best combination. I went, on Saturday, with literally no expectations other than seeing cool cars. Whatever happened after that first click of the shutter, is just going with the flow.

Why do people who have 9-5 jobs and/or are full time students look like zombies? Because school and work is the only thing they know. Think about how much time you spend on elementary and middle school. Then continuing onto high school. Then applying and getting hired for a 9-5 then having that substitute for your time in school. Not only that, you have your parents pressuring you to do well in school but of course, most parents do not know how to correctly and effectively communicate with their children that reality is, they just want you to be secured for life. Doesn’t matter what you do. If you’re not a doctor or a lawyer? That is ok. At least that's what I later on got from my parents. They really just want me to live a good life and be secured. Especially with how the world works now, you can literally be successful in anything as long as you are passionate about it and put your mind to it. Brain stimulation is what we, as humans, need in order to be creative and imaginative. This can be anything from going to concerts with friends, to [if you’re 18 and older] going to a bar with friends, to going out with family for the weekend. Hell, even when you’re with friends and you make fun of yourself for the hell of it and make your friends crack up. All of these are just a few examples that can keep your brain fresh and running, and will allow you to enjoy life. Start off with your hobbies first if you're an introvert. I started mine with photography and a car event.

I look forward to stimulation and unaccounted variables daily now because I crave it and because I know our brain needs stimulation, whether good or bad. Now my question for you is, are you active, or are you dull and dry? Do you feel fulfilled or do you feel like you’re missing something? If no, what can you improve on? If yes, what are you doing yourself that you’re not seeing others doing? Shoot me an email and let me know. Let’s have fun with this.

Be Yourself

It's been...a while since I've touched this. A while since I've actually blogged about anything or even thought about blogging. I've done some long posts on Instagram but I figured it is not the best platform [for now] to truly express my thoughts, emotions, and feelings for what I am going through in life. I'm only 25 years old, I've got plenty of journeys and adventures ahead of me. When it comes down to it, Instagram, really isn't the best place to...pour those ideas out from my mind. I even thought about googling what the most active blog sites are nowadays and this [blogger] and Tumblr [surprisingly] were listed as top 10 on one website. I chose to write instead of vlog because I express myself better in words than in video. It's just how I am. This, is what brought me back.

I thought about writing this piece because, it has recently shed some light on my own life and has shown me, within the past 48 hours, what the world can give me if I decide to stay on course. Before I really go into detail about it though, let me share my life history in a nutshell. End of elementary school, all throughout middle school, and high school, I was always pushed around or as the world knows it as, bullied. My peers would always criticize and scold me saying I wasn't good enough or qualified to do anything. To this day, I still suffer from the aftermath. As anyone would have it, if the condition of the victim was bad enough, they would continue to live a life of torture and negative self talk. To this day, I negative self talk almost daily, because I am afraid of judgment. My instinct, is still to back down whenever I get hit with a challenge or back down whenever someone says no because I always tell myself, I am not good enough. Well, this past weekend, August the 17th, 2019, changed everything.

This past weekend happened to be the ending of Monterey Car Week, the most anticipated week of the year for both small time and big time Automotive enthusiasts. It's an event called Exotics On Broadway hosted in Monterey on Broadway Avenue. It used to be on Cannery Row but due to their attendance of well over 30,000 people last year, they outgrew the venue. Prior to this, just the night before, I kept running over and over and thinking what I did last year, was a success. I know myself, as a photographer, if someone gets in my way as I grabbed what I believed was the perfect frame, and they were trying to get a shot themselves, I would be more than pissed off. So, last year, I had that in mind, as it was my second year of attendance if I remember correctly and I had my Canon 70-200 F4 telephoto lens. Instead of squeezing with the crowd, I instead led my sibling and my friend to the end of the road and was shooting photos of cars from the far end instead. Everyone else was surrounding the cars trying to get close ups. I, for one, was trying to get a clear image of the vehicle with everything compressed in the back to drive attention on the vehicle. But, more importantly, I was doing so out of everyone else's way. Worked in both the other photographers' and my favor. 

This year, I had the same situation in mind and did the same thing but I didn't want to lug around three lenses. I brought my 85mm for distance shots and 35mm for close up, detail shots. It went as planned. But the other thing I thought about friday night, was not just how I was going to shoot. It was also about, why I was going, and who I was going with. I was going not only for photos, but also to spend time with friends and have a good time while making awesome memories. I specifically told myself I am going to get photos but if anyone happened to want to take the same shot as I did, I'll let them, because it's not the end of the world, if it comes down to it, I will get to see this car again sometime in the near future. I'm there to shoot photos and have a good time with friends. Photos aren't everything. Guess what happened? I did miss a few photos but I did not mind at all. Why? Because when that happened, my friend was also with me and we just laughed about it haha. It makes for a good story, discussion, and memory, and that is what friendship is all about. 

This last and as important situation I wanted to discuss, was me trying to get a selfie with an Instagram model/celebrity and automotive enthusiast. My friends who know me, know I become very awkward around women who, in my eyes, are attractive. This also happened on Saturday, at the car event. I wouldn't have known about her had I not come across her YouTube Channel but I saw her car rolling in and I thought wouldn't it be cool if I could get a selfie with her? Her car, by the way, is a Porsche with an insane wrap on it. Just thinking of the idea of getting a selfie with her, to me, was unbelievable. Literally. I didn't know if I could, honestly. A little while later, she was hanging out with her friends by some hypercars which was fenced off, and my friend and sibling were telling me they were heading towards another direction. I kept telling them give me a second because I had a lot of thoughts running through my head as she was standing maybe 10, 15 feet at maximum away from me. I told myself if I didn't get a selfie with her, that's alright, I'll possibly see her again sometime in the near future. If I do get a selfie with her, that would be insane. 

Someone in the staff who was physically near her was someone I follow on Instagram. It was either one of two ways should I get the selfie. Either 1) ask him to ask her for me or, 2) wait for her to walk over and I discreetly ask her for a selfie. Somehow, given at the right moment in time, the staff member stopped talking to his friends and I jumped at the chance. Called him, asked him if he could ask her for me and off he went. I was thinking, and these were the exact words running in my mind: no fucking way this is happening. I even heard him say "hey ____ you've got a fan who wants a photo with you!" I was like LOL SERIOUSLY? YOU REALLY HAD TO SAY THAT? She started walking towards me and I was thinking no shit, this is really happening. But somehow, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. I asked her if she would like to take the selfie for us, she said sure, and *click*. After, I thanked her, I told her I loved her current and previous wrap and walked off. As I was walking off though, I was looking at the photo and was thinking what the fuck did I just do? what just happened? Then later on, I realized I wasn't as nervous because I indirectly connected with her through a common passion without realizing it right there and then. We both love cars. That's it, that's all it took. 

So, my main point, and why I titled this post, 'Be Yourself', is because it is ok to fear. It is ok to have insecurities. I mean shit, we're not robots haha. We're humans, and we each have our own problems and issues we deal with. But, life is boring without fun and entertainment with friends and family, however at the same time we cannot prevent someone else from having fun just for our own sake. The situation with the model, there are four key aspects: First, be willing to walk away with nothing because it is ok. If you get lucky, you will come across them or it again. Second, do what you can and do it at the best of your ability. Third, expect the unexpected. Last but not least, let the outcome play out by itself. This is exactly what happened with the model and it played out in my favor. I know I'm just the average person, a nobody, but given the shit I've gone through for the majority of my life, I hope I can inspire someone out there to do the same. I wouldn't put something on here that I made up and with how society is nowadays, let's be real, I truly believe everyone of all ages should be able to live their lives the way they want and to enjoy it. We have enough negativity with all the noise out there, we don't need more, especially not internally. You have to discover yourself. Feel free to reach out to me and share your own experience(s), I'd love to hear about it. If you haven't, give it a shot. The outcome might take you by surprise haha.