I thought about writing this piece because, it has recently shed some light on my own life and has shown me, within the past 48 hours, what the world can give me if I decide to stay on course. Before I really go into detail about it though, let me share my life history in a nutshell. End of elementary school, all throughout middle school, and high school, I was always pushed around or as the world knows it as, bullied. My peers would always criticize and scold me saying I wasn't good enough or qualified to do anything. To this day, I still suffer from the aftermath. As anyone would have it, if the condition of the victim was bad enough, they would continue to live a life of torture and negative self talk. To this day, I negative self talk almost daily, because I am afraid of judgment. My instinct, is still to back down whenever I get hit with a challenge or back down whenever someone says no because I always tell myself, I am not good enough. Well, this past weekend, August the 17th, 2019, changed everything.
This past weekend happened to be the ending of Monterey Car Week, the most anticipated week of the year for both small time and big time Automotive enthusiasts. It's an event called Exotics On Broadway hosted in Monterey on Broadway Avenue. It used to be on Cannery Row but due to their attendance of well over 30,000 people last year, they outgrew the venue. Prior to this, just the night before, I kept running over and over and thinking what I did last year, was a success. I know myself, as a photographer, if someone gets in my way as I grabbed what I believed was the perfect frame, and they were trying to get a shot themselves, I would be more than pissed off. So, last year, I had that in mind, as it was my second year of attendance if I remember correctly and I had my Canon 70-200 F4 telephoto lens. Instead of squeezing with the crowd, I instead led my sibling and my friend to the end of the road and was shooting photos of cars from the far end instead. Everyone else was surrounding the cars trying to get close ups. I, for one, was trying to get a clear image of the vehicle with everything compressed in the back to drive attention on the vehicle. But, more importantly, I was doing so out of everyone else's way. Worked in both the other photographers' and my favor.
This year, I had the same situation in mind and did the same thing but I didn't want to lug around three lenses. I brought my 85mm for distance shots and 35mm for close up, detail shots. It went as planned. But the other thing I thought about friday night, was not just how I was going to shoot. It was also about, why I was going, and who I was going with. I was going not only for photos, but also to spend time with friends and have a good time while making awesome memories. I specifically told myself I am going to get photos but if anyone happened to want to take the same shot as I did, I'll let them, because it's not the end of the world, if it comes down to it, I will get to see this car again sometime in the near future. I'm there to shoot photos and have a good time with friends. Photos aren't everything. Guess what happened? I did miss a few photos but I did not mind at all. Why? Because when that happened, my friend was also with me and we just laughed about it haha. It makes for a good story, discussion, and memory, and that is what friendship is all about.
This last and as important situation I wanted to discuss, was me trying to get a selfie with an Instagram model/celebrity and automotive enthusiast. My friends who know me, know I become very awkward around women who, in my eyes, are attractive. This also happened on Saturday, at the car event. I wouldn't have known about her had I not come across her YouTube Channel but I saw her car rolling in and I thought wouldn't it be cool if I could get a selfie with her? Her car, by the way, is a Porsche with an insane wrap on it. Just thinking of the idea of getting a selfie with her, to me, was unbelievable. Literally. I didn't know if I could, honestly. A little while later, she was hanging out with her friends by some hypercars which was fenced off, and my friend and sibling were telling me they were heading towards another direction. I kept telling them give me a second because I had a lot of thoughts running through my head as she was standing maybe 10, 15 feet at maximum away from me. I told myself if I didn't get a selfie with her, that's alright, I'll possibly see her again sometime in the near future. If I do get a selfie with her, that would be insane.
Someone in the staff who was physically near her was someone I follow on Instagram. It was either one of two ways should I get the selfie. Either 1) ask him to ask her for me or, 2) wait for her to walk over and I discreetly ask her for a selfie. Somehow, given at the right moment in time, the staff member stopped talking to his friends and I jumped at the chance. Called him, asked him if he could ask her for me and off he went. I was thinking, and these were the exact words running in my mind: no fucking way this is happening. I even heard him say "hey ____ you've got a fan who wants a photo with you!" I was like LOL SERIOUSLY? YOU REALLY HAD TO SAY THAT? She started walking towards me and I was thinking no shit, this is really happening. But somehow, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. I asked her if she would like to take the selfie for us, she said sure, and *click*. After, I thanked her, I told her I loved her current and previous wrap and walked off. As I was walking off though, I was looking at the photo and was thinking what the fuck did I just do? what just happened? Then later on, I realized I wasn't as nervous because I indirectly connected with her through a common passion without realizing it right there and then. We both love cars. That's it, that's all it took.
So, my main point, and why I titled this post, 'Be Yourself', is because it is ok to fear. It is ok to have insecurities. I mean shit, we're not robots haha. We're humans, and we each have our own problems and issues we deal with. But, life is boring without fun and entertainment with friends and family, however at the same time we cannot prevent someone else from having fun just for our own sake. The situation with the model, there are four key aspects: First, be willing to walk away with nothing because it is ok. If you get lucky, you will come across them or it again. Second, do what you can and do it at the best of your ability. Third, expect the unexpected. Last but not least, let the outcome play out by itself. This is exactly what happened with the model and it played out in my favor. I know I'm just the average person, a nobody, but given the shit I've gone through for the majority of my life, I hope I can inspire someone out there to do the same. I wouldn't put something on here that I made up and with how society is nowadays, let's be real, I truly believe everyone of all ages should be able to live their lives the way they want and to enjoy it. We have enough negativity with all the noise out there, we don't need more, especially not internally. You have to discover yourself. Feel free to reach out to me and share your own experience(s), I'd love to hear about it. If you haven't, give it a shot. The outcome might take you by surprise haha.
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